A time to speak and a time to refrain

We all tend to think of ourselves as sweet, reasonable people most of the time.

Or hope we come across that way at least.

But I know there are times when I try my husband’s (extremely l..o..n..g suffering and saintly) patience to the utmost.

At times like that I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he thought along the lines of the words from Proverbs below:

When words/tiredness/hormones/stress get the better of me I know I fit this description perfectly and I don’t even want to be in the same room as me.
My devoted Other Half is blessed with an inordinate amount of good-will, patience and calm, and, boy, has he needed it.
You see, hurting people tend to hurt other people, almost without noticing it.
My way is with words.
Thankfully, self-criticism more than wounding others with intent.
Though I still do and hate myself for it.
When we love someone in a marriage relationship then we co-exist and are co-joined as one flesh in the sight of God.
If I spend time spouting forth poisonous venom about myself, and occasionally leaking it over him, what does that say to my beloved?
Did he choose wrongly?
Do I have no idea how much he loves me?
Do I have no idea what damage I am doing to my own fragile self-esteem?
Don’t I realise how much it wounds him to hear me speaking negatively about myself?
The sad answer is “No” and also “I can’t help it” or “I didn’t realise”.
If I can hurt my husband in that way, then what sadness does it bring to God’s Father heart to hear me lamenting about my life and flaws and failures to the extent where it sounds like griping, whining and complaining at the way He made me?
No, I’m not perfect. I’m very much a flawed and cracked pot in the Potter’s hands.
But I am also supposed to be aware of the loving way I have been crafted and designed for His service.
Thankfully, those destructive negativity moments are becoming a rarity these days as not only have I worked through and been healed emotionally of a lot of past problems, God has also given me a revelation on who I am in Christ.
And that has made a huge difference to how I see myself.
So I try (with His help) to speak words of love, comfort and encouragement into the lives of others.
To enable them to see and believe how special they are to God.
Each one of us is dearly loved and unique, equipped with individual skills and talents to live fully and freely and bless others with.
We can all learn how to do that as we truly believe it for ourselves.
There is a time to speak and a time to refrain from speaking.
Taming the tongue is hard work and will most likely take me into eternity as I seek to do it better.
But it is so worthwhile.
And if it means my husband is happy to have me by his side rather than seeking a roof-top or desert escape route, then so much the better!
How about you?
Are you listening to what you say about yourself?

Does it tie up with what God is saying about you in Scripture?
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8 thoughts on “A time to speak and a time to refrain”

  1. Ah,Joy, do you see how God's wisdom pours through you to minister to others? My husband will be grateful to you for this post. 🙂 Thanks for these words, my dear new friend.

  2. I am very familiar with 'spouting forth poisonous venom at myself/about myself* It hurts me and those who love me, its often not easy to control and something that fills me with shame!
    Your words are wise and comforting Joy.
    I have a long way to go on my recovery and faith journeys and value the way you get me thinking about both.
    Thank you x

    1. Me too, my friend. It pays to step back sometimes and see how much we hurt others and, primarily, ourselves through our negative words. Please don't stay filled with shame though. God's grace and mercy covers all our sin. We are all works in progess and can learn from one another as we journey together. Bless you for your kind comment 🙂 xx

  3. Oh how well I know about taming that tongue. Most of the time it is right where it should be, but when mine slips, oh boy, do I know exactly what you are saying. And all you can do is apologize, because once words are said…I am glad I have a long-suffering husband too. To err is to be human. I am very human. Love, Debby xxoo

    1. Such a common problem, isn't it, Debby? And it's wonderful when our husband's show us such grace we don't deserve. You are in good company (me included) for being "very human", my friend! Love and blessings 🙂 xx

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