life and faith

A time to speak and a time to refrain

We all tend to think of ourselves as sweet, reasonable people most of the time.

Or hope we come across that way at least.

But I know there are times when I try my husband’s (extremely l..o..n..g suffering and saintly) patience to the utmost.

At times like that I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he thought along the lines of the words from Proverbs below:

When words/tiredness/hormones/stress get the better of me I know I fit this description perfectly and I don’t even want to be in the same room as me.
My devoted Other Half is blessed with an inordinate amount of good-will, patience and calm, and, boy, has he needed it.
You see, hurting people tend to hurt other people, almost without noticing it.
My way is with words.
Thankfully, self-criticism more than wounding others with intent.
Though I still do and hate myself for it.
When we love someone in a marriage relationship then we co-exist and are co-joined as one flesh in the sight of God.
If I spend time spouting forth poisonous venom about myself, and occasionally leaking it over him, what does that say to my beloved?
Did he choose wrongly?
Do I have no idea how much he loves me?
Do I have no idea what damage I am doing to my own fragile self-esteem?
Don’t I realise how much it wounds him to hear me speaking negatively about myself?
The sad answer is “No” and also “I can’t help it” or “I didn’t realise”.
If I can hurt my husband in that way, then what sadness does it bring to God’s Father heart to hear me lamenting about my life and flaws and failures to the extent where it sounds like griping, whining and complaining at the way He made me?
No, I’m not perfect. I’m very much a flawed and cracked pot in the Potter’s hands.
But I am also supposed to be aware of the loving way I have been crafted and designed for His service.
Thankfully, those destructive negativity moments are becoming a rarity these days as not only have I worked through and been healed emotionally of a lot of past problems, God has also given me a revelation on who I am in Christ.
And that has made a huge difference to how I see myself.
So I try (with His help) to speak words of love, comfort and encouragement into the lives of others.
To enable them to see and believe how special they are to God.
Each one of us is dearly loved and unique, equipped with individual skills and talents to live fully and freely and bless others with.
We can all learn how to do that as we truly believe it for ourselves.
There is a time to speak and a time to refrain from speaking.
Taming the tongue is hard work and will most likely take me into eternity as I seek to do it better.
But it is so worthwhile.
And if it means my husband is happy to have me by his side rather than seeking a roof-top or desert escape route, then so much the better!
How about you?
Are you listening to what you say about yourself?

Does it tie up with what God is saying about you in Scripture?
To stay in touch you can join by Google Friend Connect, follow on Twitter or like my Facebook page.


  1. Sue 28th April 2013
    • Joy Lenton 30th April 2013
  2. kimmie stuckinscared 28th April 2013
    • Joy Lenton 30th April 2013
  3. Lisa Hall-Wilson 2nd May 2013
    • Joy Lenton 2nd May 2013
  4. Deborah Bolton 3rd May 2013
    • Joy Lenton 3rd May 2013

Leave a Reply

My Instagram life