life and faith

speak: a time to speak and a time to refrain

We all tend to think of ourselves as sweet, reasonable people most of the time. Or hope we come across that way at least. It’s good to be kind in our manner and in the way we speak. Because our words can often be a dead giveaway.

And I know there are many times when I try my husband’s l..o..n..g suffering and saintly patience to the utmost. When it happens, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought along the lines of the words from Proverbs below.

how we speak quote - it is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman - proverbs 21:19 @wordsofjoy.me
When words/tiredness/hormones/stress get the better of me, I know I fit this description perfectly. And I don’t even want to be in the same room as me. My devoted Other Half is blessed with an inordinate amount of good-will, patience and calm, and he has he needed it.

You see, hurting people tend to hurt other people, almost without noticing it. My way is with words. Thankfully, self-criticism more than wounding others with intent. Though I still do and hate myself for it.

In a marriage relationship, we co-exist and are co-joined as one flesh in the sight of God. If I spend time spouting forth venom about myself, what does that say to my beloved husband?

Learning to speak wisely is better for us and others

Is it possible he choose wrongly? Do I have no idea how much he loves me? Or do I see what damage I am doing to my own fragile self-esteem? Don’t I realise how much it wounds him to hear me speaking negatively about myself? The sad answer is “No” and also “I can’t help it” or “I didn’t realise”.

If I can inadvertently hurt my husband in that way, then what sadness it must bring to God’s Father heart. He cannot enjoy me lamenting about my life and flaws and failures. Sometimes it must sound like griping and complaining at the way He made me. I am far from perfect. I’m very much a flawed and cracked pot in the Potter’s hands.

speak - potter and clay image - bible verse @wordsofjoy.me

But I am also supposed to be aware of the loving way I have been crafted and designed for His service. Thankfully, those destructive negativity moments are becoming a rarity these days. Because I have worked through and been emotionally healed of a lot of past problems. God has also given me a revelation on who I am in Christ.

It’s time to start to speak and see ourselves as we are in Christ

Knowing who I am in Christ has made a huge difference to how I see myself. So I try to speak words of love, comfort and encouragement into the lives of others. To enable them to see and believe how very special they are to God.

Each one of us is dearly loved and unique. We are equipped with individual skills and talents to live fully and freely, and bless others with. Hopefully, we can all learn how to do that when we truly believe it for ourselves.

There is a time to speak and a time to refrain from speaking. God will give us the wisdom to know how and when. Taming the tongue is hard work and will most likely take me into eternity as I seek to do it better. But it is so worthwhile. And if it means I can be calmer and more relaxed, and my husband isn’t seeking a desert escape route, then so much the better!

Are you listening to what you say about yourself? Does it tie up with what God is saying about you in Scripture?

8 Comments

  1. Sue 28th April 2013
    • Joy Lenton 30th April 2013
  2. kimmie stuckinscared 28th April 2013
    • Joy Lenton 30th April 2013
  3. Lisa Hall-Wilson 2nd May 2013
    • Joy Lenton 2nd May 2013
  4. Deborah Bolton 3rd May 2013
    • Joy Lenton 3rd May 2013

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