Render

Father God,
I am breaking with tradition here.
Our conversations are normally private.

But I sense what I am feeling and experiencing is echoed in others’ lives.
There is purpose in sharing.

Just as I am learning the art and craft of poetry and writing in the doing of it, 
I am also learning the art of the Christian life 
in the practise of it.

The stop – start of surrender versus self-will,
 faith versus fear, 
grace versus greed, 
attending to You versus attending to anxiety.
Boldness versus quaking.
Strength instead of weakness.

Yesterday, I wrote about faith.
Attempted to define the Indefinable.
To express the Inexpressible.

Today, I wonder why faith so often feels like
 being stretched on a torture rack 
instead of a gentle limbering and warming of muscles before a race.

To be honest, I am really struggling with holding on.
This walk of faith is no picnic, no walk in the park.
Not for the faint-hearted.
Everything in me hurts.
I ache for Ordinary.
My normal is like a bad dream.

So many of us live lives of quiet desperation,
 frustration, discouragement and despair.
Surviving today feels like a marathon.
Tomorrow is another day to dread or endure.

That finishing line may find me thus:
limping, wounded, gasping, 
battle-scarred, crawling in the dirt,
barely able to reach the end –
Seeking Your hand to grasp.

We long to see change.
We long for a sign, a touch, a word.
We long to see You act in ways we cannot miss

But…You already have.

Render

Render my world
soft-focused
pink-tinted
golden-hued
blue-bubbling
laughter erupting
clean and new

Give me anything but
sharp-angled
indigo-stained
purple-patched
green-eyed
fear and tear filling 
guilt and shame.

Then I remember
how You hung –
crimson blood flowing
from nail-impaled
thorn-pierced
 sweat-drenched body – 
Death defeating.

Curtain torn asunder
dividing veil lifted
cross-surrendered
death-invaded
battle-scarred
Victory secured –
Light has come.
©Joy Lenton2012

Thank you, Father, 
for Light in our darkness,
Hope in our gloom,
Peace in our pain,
Strength in our weakness, 
Beauty for ashes,
Joy instead of mourning,
Praise instead of despair.
For those of us who struggle to see these things,
who have lost hope,
who need restoration
of faith, of circumstances, 
and a fresh perspective;
please bring a revelation
of Your grace 
and a deeper sense
of Your Presence
to sustain us.
Amen.

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6 Comments

  1. Joy, this speaks to my heart. The 'echoes in others' lives' and the 'boldness versus quaking…' and 'the green-eyed…'
    I am amazed and blessed by the community I find in a place I never expected to find it. Among people I've never met, whose voices I hear only in words on a page. God can work so powerfully through any means we can invent, can't He?
    Thank you for your openness and vulnerability that allows people like me to feel less alone.
    Beautiful words.

    1. Ditto, ditto indeed, my friend. I have benefited so much from your own openness and sharing. We may only be 'words on a page' to one another but those words are containers for power and can change lives.
      It is my hope and prayer that others will be blessed by what I write. The pouring out of our lives to refresh another weary soul. Be blessed, Helen, as you write, live, do all for His glory and continue to show forth His grace. 🙂

    1. Thank you, Jedidja. I have dealt with the painful side of faith here but it can also be a period of resting, with quiet trust and confidence in God's provision, as you suggest. Blessings 🙂

    1. May He render your world bright and beautiful by His grace, Tanya. Our desperation is always the point where God's love and grace manifest most. Every blessing in Him.

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