Pain: when we try to hide our hurt behind a barricade

Hurt threads through her words and I feel the pain as if it were my own. Some writers have a way of sharing that makes us feel completely in tune with them.

As I’ve been reading ‘Love Embraced: A Journey In and Through Suffering’, it was like looking into a mirror. Our reasons for grief and pain, our struggles, guilt and shame may have different origins, but nonetheless, Anna Louise Smit and I are on the same page.

Wounded soul speaking to wounded soul. A woman aching to be loved. Needing her Saviour’s reassurance and tender touch. Oh yes, me too.

There were several passages that resonated strongly with me, but this statement in particular could have been describing my own walk of faith:

Love Embraced pin imageSurrendering is an ongoing process as we press into Jesus in the overcoming of a painful past, and in seeking the daily solace  our soul craves. It’s a continual yielding and resting in His grace.

And those walls? Mine are crumbling, falling faster as I allow God closer access to them. He shifts a few bricks here and there, and now and then several of them collapse into a heap at my feet.

Sometimes they surprise us anew with their constrictions, but I sense a gradual loosening over time, a breath of Holy Spirit air sighing its way into the gaps. Light appearing through the darkness.

I’ve felt fear and emotional pain closing me in over years. I’ve held my shaky self against its walls, seeking refuge of sorts behind the barricades.

I’ve been weighed down with the heaviness of heartache, sealed and cemented with tears. Held fast to a faltering foundation that can’t support me.

The poem below (taken from my book, (‘Seeking Solace: Discovering grace in life’s hard places’) reveals something of the pain of living with a wall around our hearts.

Wall around my heart

Pain - wall around my heartThere is a wall

around my heart,

hardening from hurt and pain,

stony through suffering and shame,

growing taller, thicker by the year,

until I feel

I could disappear…

Please come over to read the rest of this post at my writer friend, Anna Smit’s, beautiful blog ‘Joy of the Spirit Within’ where I am honoured to be guest posting today. Her new book – ‘Love Embraced: A Journey In and Through Suffering’ –  about the pain of loss and grief , and discovering how God’s love holds us fast during our suffering, is due for release on Mother’s Day (May 8th in the USA) and I will be reviewing it soon. Just click here to join me there… Thank you!  🙂

6 thoughts on “Pain: when we try to hide our hurt behind a barricade”

  1. Joy, you have written a beautiful piece of not only what you have experienced from reading Anna’s book but what God has been doing in your own life. I am jealous of what you have discovered and what I long and struggle with to discover completely myself. I love how we serve a God who uses us to tell our broken stories to bring glory to His name.

    1. Kristina, please don’t be disheartened at how long you may have struggled to discover certain things on your faith journey. Not only am I several years farther down the line than you are, it has also taken me much longer than I anticipated to fully discern the walls I was hiding behind, and allow God complete access to them. I’m definitely still a work in progress, and as such we still have a great testimony to share. Healing is a gradual process and it will look different for each and every one of us. As we invite God into the barricades we hide behind, He begins to reveal the extent of them to us, and helps remove them, brick by brick, with our willing cooperation. Our broken lives are slowly being made new by His grace. We can always hold onto hope of seeing change to come. Thank you so much for visiting and sharing here. I really appreciate it. Bless you, friend.

    1. Sheila, bless you for your continual support and encouragement. I love to see you here. It means the world to me. Thank you! Xx

  2. I’m always so encouraged to see 2Cor 1:4 at work in the lives of believers! So thankful that you have found solace and support in Anna’s words, and to see that you are already using them to encourage others. Bless you, my friend.

    1. Yes, June, it’s a wonderful act of grace to be able to receive and pass on God’s comfort to others, isn’t it? Somehow our sufferings lose a little of their sting in the sharing of them. And we can help to build one another up in our faith. I’m so thankful we don’t have to do this journey alone, and truly grateful for your sweet company, my friend!

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